Deja Woolard

Janel Spencer

WRT 101S

October 24, 2019

A Bump on The Road

I have come to believe that I will always speak my mind whether I might be right or wrong and to never suffer in silence. I am standing here today as a strong black woman who has a mental health issue that is affecting my social and spiritual life, but continue to make progress everyday to prevent it from continuing to happen. Mental health should never be something that you are   ashamed of, and you are never alone.

  It all began when I was eight or nine years old. My father and I were out of town and traveled to North Carolina to visit family. We both stayed at my aunt’s house for a couple of days at the time (but eventually got our own hotel room). I was in  the backyard at my aunt’s house. Her and my cousins had a bulldog named “Chill.” I was on the trampoline all by myself in the hot and humid weather while also playing with Chill, who did nothing but play around and lay around all day. Once I was done playing, I went inside to get a cold soda, and saw my older cousin, who was sixteen at the time, give me the weirdest look ever. He said, “Deja, come here! I have something to show you.” Once I got my soda I went in his room and said, “What is it?” My cousin closed the door behind him and locked it, looking at me as if I was some kind of animal. He never did respond to my question and instead said, “Play with me.”  Still not knowing what he was talking about, he slowly came up to me, and out of nowhere, he started making out with my face while grabbing my hand and putting it on his genitals, rubbing it around. While he was kissing me, he used a lot of tongue, and in an instant, I pulled back and said, “What are you doing?” All he did was smile at me and placed his hand around my private area. I quickly got up, unlocked the door, and went straight to the bathroom to clean my face from all of the saliva that he put on me with his tongue. I locked the bathroom door and cleaned myself up, and I thought to myself, what did I do? What just happened? I held back my tears and never told anybody about it.

Ten years later, I finally told my dad about it one day, and after I told him, for some reason, he did not look concerned about what I told him at all. After I told him what happened to me I asked him, “What is it called?” He told me, “That is child molestation.” He also said, “He was young, sounds like you guys we’re just playing around.” My heart never felt so broken when my father said that. The look of concern never showed and it looked as if he thought I was making up a story. A few months later, I finally was able to tell my mom about it and she was very angry. She asked me, “Where was your dad? He should have been there, and your aunt should have done something about it if she wasn’t so distracted!” As much as I believed everything that my mom said, I can not control what has happened with the situation. My mom then continue to be upset with my father, my older cousin, and the rest of my father’s side of the family for failing to protect me. 

A year later, I was finally able to have the courage to tell my aunt, the mother of my older cousin who molested me.  I told her everything about what happened on that day. When I told her about the trauma and what her son did to me, she froze and said to me, “I can not believe that! There is no way! I am very upset!” I spoke to her on the phone and I was in such pain and was afraid of what she might say  about it. I overhead her calling to my older cousin, and she asked him, “Did you do anything to Deja? She’s saying that you molested her?” I heard him respond to my aunt saying, “No! I didn’t do anything to her! She’s lying!” After his response, my aunt’s mood went from upset and concerned to relieved and happy to hear what his response was. She believed him, and she said to me, “He was just playing, and he didn’t do anything wrong.” After hearing her response, I quickly got upset and hung up on  her. The emotion of anger and pain I felt has affected me a lot and I decided on that very day that I would no longer stay in contact with my aunt and to never see or hear from her ever again. 

A few years have gone by, and life continued to be difficult for me. Trying to have a healthy social life and relationships were very hard for me. Throughout time, I have developed anxiety disorder and clinical depressive disorder. I would sometimes have flashbacks about my trauma, and it has eventually gone away, but the scar is still there. I have learned through this horrible tragedy that family can never be trusted and will not always have your back when you think that they actually do. The molestation has affected my life in many ways to where  it caused me to have hatred for my cousin, my aunt, and have trust issues with everybody in my life. I have tried many times to forgive my cousin for what he has done, but I still have not done so. I felt at that moment it was my family vs. me and nobody cared about what I had to say.

My life has changed  ever since the trauma and the biggest thing that changed  was having to deal with anxiety and depression and having trust issues with people. The main issues were that I was always having issues with was my depression. I felt that nobody understood me,  that something was really wrong with me, and that nobody will ever like me. There has been a few times where I was feeling so down to where I was feeling suicidal, but the more I grew up, the more I have managed to never feel that way. I have always had a very rough time telling my parents about my mental health because it seemed like they never really knew what to say other than, “You need to see a doctor about it,” rather than telling them listening to my issues and offering what they can do to help me out with the situation. They were both equally as hard to talk to about it, and it felt very disappointing and saddening about how they were never able to really help me individually. They instead focused on me  seeing a psychiatrist , and eventually I was prescribed medication that never worked. Eventually, I was able to convince my mom that the medication was not working on me and made me twice as worse than I was before. Throughout time, I was able to have as much peace in my life as I possibly could, and I am now aware that I never have to be afraid to speak up and ask for help due to my mental illness. I have suffered more than enough, and so did the eight year old girl on that day. I am not 100% healed, but I try my best everyday to get better and to have a better life without having to deal with the issues that I have had. I am a strong, independent black woman who has been molested and has anxiety and clinical depression, and I am not ashamed of it.

Oh my Gosh! I have always liked spending time with my grandfather as much as I possibly can, and he is consider my best friend! I was at his house, on a bright sunny summer afternoon and we were getting ready to go the grocery store. My grandfather told me that he had forgot to create a list of thing that is going to need an the store, but we did not have the time to re-write the list, due to us both being in rush to make it back on time to watch the Dallas Cowboys football game. After we left his house, we arrived at the grocery, store, I remembered a few things that I my grandpa wanted me to remind him of getting so that he won’t forget, but apparently, my grandpa never needed to go to the store, due to already having most of the things that he already has! You mean to tell me that we drove for nothing and we could have been watching the Football game! As annoyed as I was, it was very important to me to look after my grandfather, no matter what, because at the end of the day, are elders in the family are not going to be on this earth long and it is important to spend as much time with them as possible and always help them with the little things in life.

Essay #2 Setting:

I was traveling to North Carolina on a very hot and humid day at my Aunt’s house at the time of the incident with my order cousin. I was outside in the backyard playing on the trampoline and with there dog, Chill. I never really liked how my Aunt;s house was because of how small everything was and how unsanitary it can be. It looks as if nobody really cared about taking care of the house and it hasn’t been cleaned in years, especially the kitchen and bathroom. My father was not there at the item of the incident occurred and the incident happened in my cousin bed room. I will never forgot how foul his room smelled and how disappointing the entire house was. My aunt was never happy and was always smoking, which explains why it always smelled all cigarettes in the house. There was a reason why my father and I never stayed there and was only visiting, due to the amount of dirty in the house, and the hatred of the smell of emigrates. Good thing that me and my dad was able to have our own hotel room and not deal with the amount of cigarettes smells! How ridiculous is that!

 Concept word: Anger

Looks like	The ghost rider
Sounds like	A raging bull
Smells like	A burning bush
Tastes like	Piss and vinegar
Feels like	Fire burning in my insides
Reminds me of	The unfairness of how I can be treated by other people.
Is	A bad thing to get into (a bitch)

Concept Word: Sadness

Looks like	A dark cloud that hovers over you for the rest of your life.
Sounds like	Sobbing, crying and moaning around all day.
Smells like	salty tears
Tastes like	The tears when you cry
Feels like	Lonely and cold
Reminds me of	How useless you can be
Is	depression

Concept word: Blessed

Looks like	An angel from up above
Sounds like	beautiful trumpets
Smells like	Sugary brown vanilla scent
Tastes like	Cinnamon buns fresh out of the oven.
Feels like	Being touched by an angel
Reminds me of	A beautiful, sunny beach or sunny garden field
Is	A powerful thing to feel and to never take for granted

Concept Word: Love

 

Looks like	A master piece created by God or Satan
Sounds like	Beautiful jazz music
Smells like	Red roses
Tastes like	Cherry chap stick
Feels like	The softness of velvet silk after shaving
Reminds me of	Being cuddled by the one you (love).
Is	A thing that can be hard to find, but not impossible to find.

Concept Word: Fear

Looks like	A ghost
Sounds like	Satan
Smells like	Burning flesh
Tastes like	The blood dripping after being cut by something
Feels like	Your soul is no longer in your body
Reminds me of	Falling into hell, and trying to get out of it.
Is	The worse feeling in the world.

Deja Woolard

Janel Spencer

WRT 101S

October 10, 2019

I have come to believe that I will always speak my mind whether I might be right or wrong and to never suffer in silence. I am standing here today as a strong black woman who has a mental health issue that is affecting my social, and spiritual life, but continue to make progress everyday to prevent it from continuing to happen. Mental health should never be something that you should be ashamed of, and you are never alone.

 It all began when I was eight or nine years old. My father and I were out of town and traveled to North Carolina to visit family. We both stayed at my aunt’s house for a couple of days at the time, but eventually got our own hotel room. I was at the backyard at my aunt’s house, her and my cousins had a bulldog named “Chill.” I was on the trampoline all by myself in the hot and humid weather, while also playing with Chill, who did nothing but play around and lay around all day. Once I was done playing, I went inside to get a cold soda, and saw my older cousin, who was sixteen at the time, give me the weirdest look ever. He said, “Deja, come here! I have something to show you.” Once I got my soda I went in his room, and said “What is it?” My cousin closed the door behind him and locked, looking at me as if I was some kind of animal. He never did respond to my question and said, “Play with me.” By not knowing what he was talking about, he slowly came up to me, and out of nowhere, he started making out with my face while grabbing my hand and putting it on his genitals, rubbing it around. While he was kissing me, he used a lot of tongue, and in an instant, I pulled back and said, “What are you doing?” All he did was smile at me and placed his hand around my private area. I quickly got up, unlocked the door, and went straight to the bathroom to clean my face from all of the saliva that he put on me with his tongue. I locked the bathroom door and clean myself up, and I thought to myself, what did I do? What just happened? I held back my tears and never told anybody about it.

10 years later, I finally told my dad about it one day, and after I told him, for some reason, he did not look concerned about what I told him at all. After I told him what happened to me I asked him, “What is it called?” He told me, “That is child molestation.” He also said, “he was young, sounds like you guys we’re just playing around.” My heart never felt so broken when my father said that. The look of concern never showed and it looked as if he thought that I was making up a story. A few months later, I finally was able to tell my mom about it and she was very angry. She asked me, “Where was your dad? He should have been there, and your atun should have done something about it if she wasn’t so distracted!” As much as I believed everything that my mom said, I can not control what has happened with the situation. My mom then continue to be upset with my father, my older cousin, and the rest of my father’s side of the family for failing to protect me. 

A year later, I was finally able to have the courage to tell my aunt, the mother of my older cousin who molested me and told her everything about what happened on that day. When I told my Aunt about the trauma and what her son did to me, she froze and said to me “I can not believe that! There is no way! I am very upset!” I spoke to her on the phone and I was in such pain and was afraid of what she might day about it. I overhead her calling my older cousin, and she asked him, “did you do anything to Deja? She’s saying that you molested her?” I heard him respond to my aunt saying, “No! I didn’t do anything to her! She’s lying!” After his response, my aunt’s mood went from upset and concerned, relieved and happy to hear what his response was. She believed him, and she said to me, “He was just playing, and he didn’t do anything wrong.” After hearing her response, I quickly got upset and hung up for her. The emotion of anger and pain is affected me by a lot and I have decided on that very day, that I will no longer stay in contact with my aunt and to never see or hear from her ever again. 

A few years have gone by, and life continued to be difficult for me. Trying to have a healthy social life, and relationships were very hard for me to overcome. Throughout time, I have developed anxiety disorder and clinical depressive disorder. I would sometimes have flash back about my trauma, and it has eventually gone away, but the scar is still there. I have learned through this horrible tragedy that family can never be trusted and will not always have your back when you think that they actually do. The molestation has affected my life in many ways to wear is caused me to have hatred for my cousin, my aunt, and having trust issues with everybody in my life. I have tried many times to forgive my cousin for what he has done, but I still have not done so. I felt at that moment was my family vs. me and nobody cared about what I had to say.

Choose one person who plays a pivotal role in your story:

My Father

Physical Characteristics: 5″10 African American man from Brooklyn, New York in his late 40’s with brown eyes, black shaved hair with glasses. Would normally where a pair of sneakers, a shirt and basketball shorts on the weekends, and dresses business causal during the week. Has a very intimidating look on his face 99.9% of the time and is very knowledgeable on all aspects of life.

When I had an interaction with my dad, he always say things that is it and can be a very blunt ans serious person. He remains unbothered and always remains claim, while adding in wisdom. He can sometimes use a few hand gestures, but it depends on what the situation is, and he is always knows how to back up everything he says with facts.

My father did not show any look of concern on his face when having the interaction, because my father never shows a look of concern, but always has a neutral look on his face, but deep down, he is somewhat concerned about what we have discussed. There wasn’t any kind of key phases form that interaction other then him saying, “He was just playing.” After stated that phrases, it made me feel like he did not care about the pain and fear that happened to me during the interaction.

My father did not do anything that was memorable to me other that him saying, “He was just playing, and was only sixteen when it happened.” That was something that I will never forget and will always be a memorable interaction and phrase from my father. My father continued driving and was completely silent the entire car ride back home and turned the radio back on.

Essay #2 Senses

• I remember where is was at when the incident with my older cousin took place at.
• I remember that I was in North Carolina at the time and it was a cloudy, humid day outside.
• I remember when my Aunt never believed me when I told her.
• I remember the pain and confusion that I felt when the molestation happened to me.
• I remember seeing the pain, anger and sadness on my mother’s eyes when I told her about the issue ten after it happened.

1. Exposition: My father and I toke a trip to North Carolina to visit family and to also meet my grandfather, who was battled dementia and is still fighting with it. I was at my aunt house playing around with her dog and once I was done playing outside, my older cousin molested me and I have not told anybody about it 10 years later.
2. Inciting incident: I incident of my older cousin molesting me and having to deal with the trauma for the rest of my life and learning how to cope without having the incident ruin my social, spiritual, and emotional life and well-being.
3. Rising Action: The father was not there before the incident and my aunt being very oblivious for not hearing or seeing that the incident occurred and was in the living room at the time. My other cousin was in his room and was watching TV. Both the living room TV and my other cousin TV was too loud for them to hear what happened.
4. Climax: Having to deal with the trauma for the rest of my life and learning how to forgive my cousin for what he has done, but never forget about it. Developing anxiety and depressive disorder at ta young age was the cause the effect and having to suffer in silence by not telling anybody about it 10 years later due to not knowing who to say it. I told my dad about it first, and a year or two later, I finally told me mom. I have also told me aunt bout it too, but instead waited to believe his son, instead of listening to me and telling her my truth.

The three ideas that I have for writing a narrative essay:

1. How I overcame my anxiety with math test that was coming up for me and how my teacher told me that I will never be able to pass that test. I toke that test and got an A on it and overcame the negative feedback from my teacher, and overcame my test anxiety.
2. Explaining how my cousins actions towards me (child molestation) has effected my life socially, emotionally, and spiritually and explain that mental health is something to never be afraid of, and how not all family members stuck together to have your back.
3. The time when I thought that I will never be able to join the military due to experience that I have had in high school doing NJROTC and how I was being mistreated in the course. My Gunnery sergeant was my motivation on completing the course and for also getting promoted. At the time, my goal was to joining the United States Marine Corps while also going to college after I graduated High School. I then realized that I can do anything that I put my mind to and not never let anybody stop you from achieving your goal in life.

I have come to believe that I will always speak my mind whether I might be right or wrong and to never suffer in silence. I am standing here today as a strong black woman who has a mental health issue that is affecting my social, and spiritual life, but continue to make progress everyday to prevent it from continuing to happen. Mental health should never be something that you should be ashamed of, and you are never alone.

Experience with Essay #1

Had you written a rhetorical analysis before? What aspects of a rhetorical analysis did you learn about that you hadn’t considered before? Answer: I do not recall if I have ever written a rhetorical analysis essay before.

What did you learn about your piece or your author’s perspective that you otherwise wouldn’t have discovered? Answer: The piece that I have done wasn’t really anything that I would have discovered from it due to already knowing about the issue, but the only thing that I did discover is the lack of concern is worst than what I have imagined.

What are the ways you effectively prepared, revised, and bettered your writing for the Essay 1 final draft? What ways do you wish to continue to improve for Essay 2 and 3? Answer: The ways that I have bettered essay #1 for me is having a very strong conclusion and be able to use the correct grammar for the entire essay.

What questions do you still have about rhetorical analysis? What questions do you have about the writing process? About grammar? Answer: I do not have any questions at this time.